I started this blog hoping to be a ray of light for those that feel the way I do. I wanted other females to know that they are not alone. Unfortunately, I’ve made this more into a pity party than anything.
You see, I had a lot of faith in my future. I accepted that I was just going through a rough patch but my time was soon approaching. Better days were on their way! The keyword in the first sentence is had. Sadly, I’m running out of optimism.
My plan was to get accepted into a school abroad, on the other side of the world so that I would get the opportunity to breathe and finally be independent. It was an actual plan and above all, my happy place. I am two months away from graduating and as some may say, I’m in the final stretch. Why doesn’t it feel that way to me, though? For some absurd reason, my life is not getting any easier. Instead, I’m being pushed to limits that seem impossible to overcome. It seems impossible to get past this, push through the next 24 hours let alone two months. It seems impossible to think about my happy place. My happy place has vanished and is out of my reach.
Am I becoming weak? What’s wrong with me?
All I know is that I can’t take it anymore. I’m breaking and I feel more and more dehumanized with every day that passes. My mental health is deteriorating and lately, I’ve had thoughts of taking the easy route and just giving up. I’m praying I get the strength to move past this and work on my future.
Happy Place…come back to me.