Dear Diary: Jan 15th

I’ve decided to start a new segment on my blog called Dear Diary. This is basically my way of venting to the internet when I don’t have a specific topic to vent about. So here we go!

Dear Diary,

I’m not really the diary type. I guess I’m just constantly worried about my parents finding a physical diary so I have no idea how to start this.

My brain has been a heaping pile of  mumbo jumbo lately . So much has been going on yet not so much has changed. When you think everything is going semi smoothly, life hits you a fresh batch of lemons #StoryOfMyLife.

I’m going to be honest, this weekend has sucked balls. I fight depression and anxiety on a daily basis but when home life is more stressful than usual, my mental illnesses tend to get a lot harder to manage.In other words, they flare up.  I chose to be a psychology major because  mental illness is considered  taboo in my community. It is not a real illness, in fact the person is just considered to be damaged. What’s worse is that Indian youth that are battling a mental illness are viewed as being ungrateful. Our parents gave birth to us in a free world country, we have a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, some of us have a car, we’re getting an education and life isn’t as hard as it is in India.  We are just ungrateful. An illness that does not have physical aspects to it must not be real. However, that is not true. But ya,  getting back to this weekend….things with my parents have been rough lately. I’m tired of not having a say in my own life decisions. I’m tired of  not being able to stick up for myself. Im tired of not having a voice.

This morning I found out my parents invited a guy that had always been a potential ‘rishta’ or proposal, over for dinner. All through undergrad my parents had looked at him as being an ideal match for me. He’s an engineer, from India, same caste, and in their eyes a perfect son in law. The topic came up more than I liked and honestly I have managed to hate this guys guts. At one point his family came to see me and were more than thrilled about this potential alliance. He finished his masters and moved out of my city. I thought now my parents will give me a break! The dude is out of the city, now I can breathe. I mean he lives  2 hours away, he’s out of my life for good.  LOL good one A! So I guess  he will be coming over tonight, having dinner with my family, and staying the night. All of this is so sudden and I cant help but think my parents have their own intentions in mind. I’m skeptical. Highly skeptical.

Hoping for the best.

-A

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